I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LITTLE

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I had six sisters and two brothers that i come to live with, although there was one other sister that would stay with the grandparents, and a boy baby,  my mother just gave birth to,  on the kitchen floor,  died on the way to the hospital. They tell me the child froze to death?  I was to young to understand that statement  but i understand it now.  [ Body heat ] And after all these years i cannot remember if it was winter or not, plus the fact that i was to young to care to remember the day, but i am sure my mother remembers.

I think i was ten and i remember standing, looking down on the floor where they said my mom had the baby, thinking,  how could mommy have a baby on the floor? Where did she get the baby? None of it made any sense to me. I spent many a time looking at that spot wondering all sorts of things, then i would go out to play.

The problem was, back then my parents did not take the time to talk to us about important things.  And any talking they did do was to say go ask your mother or go ask your father. Lucky to get any answer at all,  if not for a slap on the head and told to go sit down or get out and play. It is no wonder i am dumb. 

I remember when i was little . . .I laugh now and i think i would have like me if i knew me back then, i was fun and always happy, well most of the time when i was not getting lick’ens, i was awesome.

Sad to think there are no pictures of me little, only for the fact that i have a picture or two of all my other siblings. Other than that . . .Big deal . . .Who am i? There are Hundreds and thousands of people with no pictures when they were little or any pictures at all.  So i shall put a sock in it right now and not dwell on things we have no control over,  because that is what people call some form of illness in the brain. And my brain is fine. Most of the time.

However . . .I tend to keep myself in a shell away from people as i have a hard time with trust issues.  I remember when i was young and all the molestation that happened to me. These things kind of put a damper on my life. [Kind of too bad, i like people ], i Love to watch people in big gatherings – everyone is so different and it is incredible to see. {Well to me} I Love it.  I remember when i was little, i did not like people at all in general but i did like boys.

Boys you say? . . .Yes.  Boys were the best bet to go out and play any sport game. Man some girls were okay, but the boys did not cry and complain, most of them anyway,  sure there were soft boys back then too. AND I AM NOT TALKING HOMO’S LIKE IT WAS CALLED BACK THEN. I did not know anything about that back then but when a word is spoken often, very often, one tends to remember it.  For all i knew it was MILK.   Anyway,  boys were my choice to hang around with outside, that, or some of my siblings,  which were mainly GIRLS!. . .I hated girls back then when i was little.    AND NO.   NOT,  because of my sisters. Although they did get me some pretty good lick’ens, here, there.  But no,  they are not the reason i do, did,  not like girls.  Several other reasons outside my siblings would be the cause.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LITTLE and my mom sent me to go stay with a family for the summer.  Apparently this was the family my mother in-trusted me to when she gave me away at the age of four months. I did not remember them at the time, but when you get older we are able to connect thoughts and memories together and here i was again with these people for the summer.  I happened to be nine years old at the time and my second year out of my home where i lived from the age of three to seven.   {meaning i didn’t know much at all}, everything is still known to me.  As far as i was concerned i was still asking things like, whats that?  [ Don't forget i grew up in an old jail house down by the water, until my grandmother took me in her house ].  Other than that i knew nothing, i was learning the hard way of life and not knowing it.

So here i was nine years old and staying the summer with these strangers and their two children, one was a girl at the age of eight-teen.  Wow My head thought . . .Ever pretty .  And i told her so.  She giggled and thought i was cute.  Good thing as now her whole summer was me.  Me all day.. Me for the whole summer while her parents worked.  Her brother had is own family so he was not around, just me and her and her friends.  Her friends were big boys and girls. They were teenagers and a little older.  They were nice to me,  some of them, mainly i was like a sore thumb to some of them. I get it now . . .How much fun can you have with a kid around all the time?  Wait . . .What kind of fun can you have with a kid always around… Not much. You have to always look to be carefull. I remember one of them though, he was always nice to me like he did not have any sibling or something there like that.

And then one day, i was outside in the back yard and for what ever reason i had to go into the house and ask a question so i did, i went in,  calling out her name,  looking around the home until i was interrupted by her standing in a house robe,  with her jeans and underwear to her feet.  Actually one leg was completely out and the other foot still in.  I,  being nine years of age,  questioned that.  How come your cloths are off . . .And where is whats his name? There was nothing wrong with any of this as far as i was concerned, she said she was changing her cloths and the guy will be back later. What ever the case may be things were fine . . .It was days later when she called me into the bedroom and when i got there she was standing there with her bra off looking at me like she was waiting for something.  You can imagine my surprise . . .I never seen anything like it, i just stared, she asked me if i liked what i saw? I didn’t know what i was seeing so i said, i don’t know.  Then a couple of days later she sent me out to the garden telling me to pick some rhubarb. 

  • THIS IS WHERE WE STOP AND LET ALL THE PEOPLE WITH WEAK MINDS CLICK ON THE [ X ], top right corner If they do not want to read any more,  as it is going to get nasty.   Unless i just stop now.  
  • Because this story is starting to sound like PORN. 
  • But was it PORN when it was happening to me?  
  • Whether it was or is now, it  is not my doing,  so i feel,  nothing is wrong with me telling you, only that some of you may be offended.
  • So make a choice and lets move on. 

Now i am wondering if i am allowed to go on. What if somebody thinks it is porn and i get into trouble and they close my page down and i can never write you again?  That will be horrible and i would go back to playing games on pogo. Popping balloons.   Maybe i should not blog about being little and the things people did to me.  Maybe i should blog about dolls and dresses . . .Lets put it this way. Should anyone find out if i can, indeed write,  what indecent things did happen to me, let me know,  and i will post the rest of the story.  Only for now know , she is the reason i don’t like or trust girls.  I remember when i was little all to well. 

THE END

 

 

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